I see and feel Ralf in every corner of every room of this house. Everywhere I look, there is a memory. Things that at the time seemed silly or insignificant are now moments that I wish I could have held on to forever. Even the things that drove me absolutely nuts, I find myself aching for now. Like the way he would steal my glasses because we had pretty much the same prescription and he had been missing his own for months. The way he would leave the containers for his daily contact lenses EVERYWHERE. Seriously, you would think he had been allergic to the waste basket or something. Oh, and a hamper allergy too because I’d find socks in places you wouldn’t believe. The way he would hoard junk mail, or open letters but then leave empty envelopes all over the kitchen counter and our dining room table. I even miss our disaster of a garage (he treated it like a dumping ground for all his fancy tools and gadgets that he loved and didn’t really need) and his truck that almost required a hazmat suit to enter. I’d give anything to still be able to complain about these things.
We had an inside joke. Whenever he would do something that would totally get on my nerves, I would look up toward the sky and wave my hands and say, “I love this man. I love this man. God, please remind me how much I love this man.” We would both laugh. He knew as well as I did that I never really needed a reminder.
Like I’ve said before, even though Ralf was an amazing husband and life partner, neither he nor our relationship were perfect. We had our share of struggles, as does any couple. We disagreed. We both let our pride and stubbornness get in the way from time to time. But in the end, we always found our way back to each other because we knew our love was greater than our trials. Looking through old notes again, I found this and I think Ralf put it best:
“Just as you know I am not perfect, I know you are not. Like you said, perfect does not exist. But I still believe in perfect fits. Maybe our puzzle pieces pinch each other, poke each other, punch each other, or appear to oppose each other; but at the end of the day they always come together to form a masterpiece.”