Along the Broken Road

Open Letter to My Love

My Love,

Our little angel has finally arrived, but I know you already knew that. You did, after all, have a special conversation with God and request for his birthdate to be on none other than Mother’s day. I have no doubt that was your doing. You not only wanted to further ensure the special bond that I will always have with our son, but you also wanted to give your own mother a beautiful distraction on what must have been a difficult day for her. Not to mention, his birthdate – 5/10/15 – will always carry a piece of both of us since you were born on the 5th, I was born on the 10th, and together those numbers add up to 15. You + Me = Mason. Perfect.

What can I tell you about this amazing little person that our love created? Mason Ralf Garcia entered the world at 2:08pm, weighing 7 pounds, 14 ounces and measuring 20.5 inches in length. I was in labor for a total of about 14 hours. Our parents took me in to the hospital once my contractions were about 5 minutes apart. The doctor examined me and found that I was only 1 centimeter dilated, so he had me walk around the hospital for 2 hours to see if that would speed things up. Our moms took the first hour shift, and our dads the second. They comforted me through contractions and made me laugh. I even managed to do some lunges in the hallway with my huge belly. After all the walking, I had dilated some more and the doctor decided to admit me. I had an epidural (which, I must say, was magical) and then the doctor broke my bag of waters. After that, I dilated to a full 10 centimeters in just a couple of hours. All signs pointed to an easy, natural delivery. However, things didn’t turn out as we’d hoped. I pushed for 2.5 hours and the baby just wouldn’t come out. Turns out my pubic bone was in the way by a fraction of an inch and he wasn’t able to squeeze through. So, I ended up needing a c-section.

Our moms went into the operating room with me. I couldn’t see what was going on, of course, but once I heard him cry my own tears began to flow uncontrollably. We all sobbed. I felt you in that moment – not just your spirit, but I swear I felt a physical presence. I could feel your hand rubbing my head, your warm breath in my ear as you whispered, “He’s here and he’s okay.” When they placed him on my chest, the very first thing I noticed was that he has Daddy’s eyebrows.

It’s still too soon to tell who he will look like, since I know he will change so much from week to week and month to month. But I can tell you that I see so much of you in him already. He has your hands and I’m so happy that he does. You know how much I loved your hands. I complemented them all the time- so strong, so masculine. He has the same little dimple on his left cheek. And he already looks at me in that same way that you used to – a look of pure, innocent, unconditional love. He has become the center of my universe, just as you were before you left. I know that I will make mistakes along the way, but I promise you that I will love this child with everything that I am and will do whatever necessary to give him everything he needs and deserves.

I can’t lie to you – the experience has been bittersweet. I have moments were I just cry out of frustration that you aren’t here to help me with the late night feedings or the diaper changes. I cry because I miss you so much that it makes my body ache. I cry because even though I continue to have so much support from both of our families, having them around constantly is a reminder that they are here because you aren’t. But I know I’ll make it through- you will give me the strength to do so. I know that you have given me the strength that has brought me this far, because there really isn’t any other explanation as to where this strength has come from.

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Love you to the moon and back,

Maeghan

74 comments

  1. Yanes Legra

    Congratulations on your baby Mason. He is beautiful. Thank you so much for sharing him with us. I have been reading your posts and you are truly an amazing person just as your husband. May God continue blessing you and Mason. You are an admirable person and I know that your husband and God will always guide you through your trials and errors. You are going to be an amazing mom just as an amazing person that you are. Keep your faith and always pray when in doubt; God will guide you. Always know that your husband is there with you even if you don’t see him. My prayers are with you and your family. God Bless You.

    Yanes

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  2. Dee

    Loved the pictures of you and Ralf at the firehouse! If you have not already done so, you might want to take some pictures of Mason propped up against Ralf’s fire helmet. You could also incorporate the American flag into some of the photos.

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  3. lost with words….. Congratulations on your baby boy. I read what you wrote and I couldn’t stop crying. I pray for you and your family to give you all you need. May God be with you all the way. May he bless you with health , peace and strength. God bless your family. Ana and Laz gutierrez

    Like

  4. Michele

    Maeghan…….we have never met, but I, like countless others stumbled upon your story through social media. I have followed your story since it became public and have wanted to reply here, but I thought you would think I was a crazy stalker looking into your private life. But, after reading so many responses to your blog, I have found that many people that are strangers have been touched by your words and your experience as have I.

    Let me begin by saying I am so incredibly sorry for the loss of your husband. I too have suffered great loss in my life and have found relief by reading your touching words. I was hoping that you would post pictures of your son once he was born and he is absolutely adorable! I can tell you as the mother of a gorgeous son myself, you are in for a lifetime of happiness, love and laughter. Sons are truly a blessing to their mommies. There is no doubt in my mind that God has amazing plans for you and baby Mason. Daddy will always be by your sides guiding, loving and guarding you both through the ups and downs of life.

    As women and mothers we share a bond that is unexplainable. I truly hope you know what an inspiration you are to countless people. I admire your amazing strength and way you so eloquently put your thoughts, feelings and beliefs on paper. You, baby Mason and both families are in my prayers. ❤

    Michele

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  5. Mercy Rizo

    We have never met. I am Andrew Delgado ‘ s step aunt. I have followed your love story, your loss and the birth of your beautiful son. I admire your relationship with the Lord, very much. You understand Him, His ways which are not our ways but you have a very distinct knowledge of who our God is. I believe that is helping you immensely in this hard journey we call life, now much harder due to the loss of your beloved. I came upon this and thought of you. I hope you don’t mind me sharing. Blessings from our Jesus to you and Mason,
    Mercy

    Death is nothing at all. It does not count. I have only slipped away into the next room. Nothing has happened. Everything remains exactly as it was. I am I, and you are you, And the old life that we lived so fondly together is untouched, unchanged. Whatever we were to each other, that we are still. Call me by the old familiar name. Speak of me in the easy way which you always used. Put no difference into your tone. Wear no forced air of solemnity or sorrow. Laugh as we always laughed at the little jokes that we enjoyed together. Play, smile, think of me, pray for me. Let my name be ever the household word that it always was. Let it be spoken without an effort, without the ghost of a shadow upon it. Life means all that it ever meant. It is the same as it ever was. There is absolute and unbroken continuity. What is this death but a negligible accident? Why should I be out of mind because I am out of sight? I am but waiting for you, for an interval, somewhere very near, just round the corner. All is well.

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  6. Lura

    Ur story brought me to tears… You are an extraordinarily strong woman! Good luck raising a baby is difficult and it definitely takes a village but u got urs and I wish u the best!

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  7. With lots of love

    Congratulations Maeghan! He is absolutely perfect! I always keep you and your family in my prayers. I am sure Ralf has not left your side once. I pray that all these sweet signs that show you he is there with you continue to bring you peace and joy. I pray you always feel him close and he fillls your heart with overwhelming love, ask him for strength every time you are feeling alone. Thank you for sharing this with us. You are a super woman, and your strength has touched us all. Xo Andrea

    Like

  8. Nadia

    First and foremost, congratulations on the biggest and most beautiful blessing of the anticipated arrival of baby Mason Ralf. We do not know each other but I have followed your story since the beginning and I have read your blog posts religiously. Each post is ever so moving and emotional; you really have a way with words. But this post was truly the best and my favorite. To say that you’re an inspiration and a hero is to say the least. Your strength is by far the biggest I have ever seen and May God continue to bless you with such strength. I know no words can truly comfort what you have been through, but please know that you and baby Mason have always been in my prayers and will continue to be. This beautiful life you and Ralf created was sent directly from God to do amazing things because he has two amazing parents. He is only destined for greatness! May God bless you and Baby Mason; all the best for your future.

    Blessings,

    Nadia

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  9. Caro

    Dear Meaghan,
    Your words and faith are beautiful and inspriring! God and Ralf must have something very special planned for you and Mason…
    Congratulations on the most amazing gift of love, your little miracle, Mason!
    Even though we may not know each other, I send many well wishes. May God always bless you and Mason with health, happiness and safety.
    Caro

    Like

  10. Ilsy

    OMG!! He’s such a beatiful little gordito <33 congratulations & welcome to the mommy club. Your "misrakes" will make you the best mommy to little Mase – you both will learn to become a better person.

    FELICIDADES!! :)<3

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  11. rick

    Wow, I am truly inspired and moved by your spirit. Being a firefighter as well with 2 little girls of my own, this hits the gut pretty deep. You have truly been touched by the hand of God and great things await in your futures. Please strive for something great in your life, as you have a true purpose here. I’m not sure what that may be right now, but it is something amazing and important to not only your son’s life, but others as well. Keep strong and keep on young lady! Much love and support from 63 House in Ft Myers.

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  12. ani

    Once again, I am moved to tears and feelings of joy, all bunched up into one big smile…..Mason Ralf Garcia, welcome to this life. A life of mystery, awe and wonder. A life of pain and happiness. A life that is part of the journey that will one day lead us all to the next chapter in this mystery. I chose to believe that we are just passing through this life, only to be received into eternal life. I am a believer in the promises of Jesus Christ my Savior. Maeghan, thank you. Thank you for sharing your experience, your pain and your joy. All I can humbly offer you and Mason Ralf is my daily prayers, and these I promise to always offer. Prayers of thanksgiving for the life you and Ralfie created. May Mason Ralf be an extension on the man his father is and will always be. I refuse to use Ralfie’s name as if he was….he very much is. He is Mason’s father, he is your husband, you are his wife. Stay strong. God bless you beautiful mommy….Cariños, Ani Ortiz (Gaby’s mom)

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  13. Barbie

    This is beautiful …..May God continue to give you strength wisdom and the power of words to enlighten your new journey in life. Congratulations Meaghan! Baby Mason is a perfect Angel !
    You are truly a HERO!!!🙏❤️👼

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  14. Manny Sanchez

    You need to watch a video by Billy Crystal called “700 Sundays”. Its nowhere near a consolation, but a day will come (sooner than you think) when you will look at the hand you were dealt (watching your child grow up) and realize that while it wasn’t easy – it was worth it

    Like

  15. Patricia Aponte

    Congratulations Meaghan! your baby boy is absolutely adorable! I am very happy that you recieved this blessing on such a perfect day.
    I too cry that your Ralf cant be with you, altho he is with you in spirit- that’s the faith and belief you must hang on to. Know that yor love is in a better place and can rest in peace knowing you and Mason are happy, healthy and content. I cannot imagine what you must be feeling- bittersweet is the perfect word. Maybe a graditude journal would help you in some way- I know it has always helped me in the low points of my life. Every night before you go to sleep write down 5 things you were grateful for that day, it could be anything.
    May God continue to give you strength wisdom and the power of words to enlighten your new journey in life.
    xoxo

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  16. Ms. Nancy de la Teja

    Daddy wasn’t the only hero, Meagan, so are you.
    Congratulations on your hands on and blessed son, Mason. He will have a very special mission to fulfill in his lifetime because only someone who has chosen such special parents could be destined to do great things. The Angels are smiling and dancing in Heaven with his father with the joy of his birth. God bless you both.

    Like

  17. Nancy

    Congratulations !!! Like many that read your blog , I do not know you personally but have been waiting anxiously for a post about the baby. He looks perfect and is going to hopefully fill up a little bit of the whole that you feel in your heart . As a mother of three young adults ( one that is a firefighter !!) I will give you a word of advice . Don’t rush anything ,enjoy every stage as crazy as they sometimes become . Take tons of videos and pictures !! They will mean more than gold in 20 years . Lastly follow your instinct you’ll do just fine , luckily you’ll have a guardian angel helping you and that beautiful boy along the way. Mason Ralf and yourself are in my prayers daily ❤️

    Like

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