I think we’ve all heard that “timing is everything.” I’ve had this on my mind the last few days. Is it everything? I’m really not sure. I can argue both sides…
I remember Ralf and I thought about having a baby for a while before we actually started trying to get pregnant. We were waiting for the “right time”. You know how that goes, there are always so many reasons why you should wait to do something – wait to have that baby until you get that job promotion, until you’ve taken that trip to Europe, or until your lease on your two-door coupe is up so you can get an appropriate “mommy-mobile”. We finally decided to go for it after I experienced a health scare around this same time last year. To make a long story short, I have a form of Non-Hodgkin’s cutaneous lymphoma that is thankfully very limited, in the early stages, and not expected to ever progress into something more serious requiring chemo or anything like that (THANK GOD!). But we were definitely freaking out for several days before I made it to the oncologist who clarified that for us – prior to that, all we knew was that I had lymphoma and that was scary as hell. We had to wait around for two weeks before we heard that good news, and once we received it, we realized maybe there is never a “perfect time” to have a baby. Maybe sometimes you just have to take a risk and trust that things will fall into place. Sure enough, Mason was conceived the following weekend. If we hadn’t taken a risk, I would now be not only a widow, but childless too.
I had a music teacher who loved to say that it was all about timing, obviously while she was teaching us how to respect those breath marks on the sheet music when we were learning a new piece. I specifically remember her saying that you can meet your perfect “Mr. Right” and marry him at the wrong time, thereby dooming the marriage to fail. I can see what she meant – maybe getting married too young, for example. But now, after having been through my tragedy, I’m wondering – are we supposed to wait for the right time to come? Or, when you decide you want something, do you just find a way to make it happen? I don’t know, maybe it’s a bit of both?
Since I’ve become so aware of how fragile and short life is, I worry that I could miss out on amazing opportunities by waiting for what I think will be the “right” time. What if it never comes? Or what if it does come but I don’t recognize it and let it pass me by? I hope that when I realize I really want something – whatever it may be – that I have the strength and courage to take the necessary risks. I hope I never “settle” but always fight for what I truly desire and deserve. I hope I teach my son to do the same. I guess the irony in it all is that only time will tell.