Along the Broken Road

Love Out Loud

Those of you that have been following my story from the beginning, when Ralf was in the hospital and I started posting on Facebook, have already read the words below. If you attended his funeral mass, you heard them read so eloquently by my father-in-law before he gave his beautiful eulogy. What you don’t know, however, because I didn’t mention it at the time, is that the “meat” of this post – which you will notice in bold now- was actually written several months before Ralf’s passing. I took them from an email that I wrote to him after we’d had a really stupid fight over something so insignificant – something that couples unfortunately do at times. I realized that I was being ridiculous for being upset with him, and so I wrote my feelings down. When I made the Facebook post, I just added some introductory/concluding remarks and changed all the you’s to he’s.

I am SO happy that I can say Ralf read these words, that he knew how I loved him. I believe he still does and always will. Even on my the days when I feel like the grief hits me all over again like a ton of bricks, that brings me so much comfort and peace.

Don’t ever assume the people you love know how you feel about them. TELL them. SHOW them. Love them out loud. Even if they do already know, it’s nice to be reminded.

Kiss at Dani's Wedding

As I sit here, trying to cope as best I can, I struggle to find the words to express what I am feeling. Everyone tells me how “strong” and “amazing” I am being, but the truth is the only thing that is keeping me going is Ralf’s baby, whose heart is beating inside of me. I am only trying to do what I know Ralf would have done for me.

From the moment I found out that we were having a boy, I kept telling Ralf I had this funny feeling our baby was going to be a little carbon copy of him. I believe that more than ever now. I know so many people have been witness to the genuineness and pure love that was Ralf, but no one will ever understand the level of intimacy he and I shared on all levels. I will not sit here and tell you he was perfect, because perfect does not exist. But I can tell you without a doubt in my mind or an ounce of hesitation that he WAS the ideal man that every woman dreams of finding one day. A man that put his woman’s needs ahead of his own. A man that treated his woman with the utmost respect. Who listened to her and did whatever he could to make her feel understood, even when she sounded crazy to the rest of the world. A man that found beauty and humor in all of his woman’s little quirks and imperfections and did his best to make her feel like the most attractive creature alive (even on days when she felt anything but). A man that owned up to his mistakes and apologized from the bottom of his heart. A man that made his woman feel loved, and appreciated, and cherished every day. Even on the not-so-great days. He was the kind of man that most women never find.

Although I feel he was taken from me too soon, I feel honored and privileged to have been able to share my life with him and call myself his wife. A love like ours is one that comes along rarely, and why God chose me, I will never fully understand. But I am so grateful. Don’t take pity or feel sad for me. I was the lucky one. He was the love of my life and my heart will always be his.

I love you Ralf. Know that your son will be raised with so much love and support. I will make sure everyday that he knows who his daddy was and what an amazing and loved man he was. I have no doubt that you will be there in spirit every step of the way. Rest easy, in peace and without any pain.

12 comments

  1. Yami

    Maeghan, have been following you since I heard about Ralf on the news. You truly inspire me and I pray for you and Mason. Claire so sorry to hear about your husband, I will be praying for you as well.

    Like

  2. Chiri

    Your words help me cope with the pain I am currently feeling. I don’t think I speak for myself when I say that your words genuinely touch my heart.

    Like

  3. angeline220

    I frequently read passages from your blog post to my husband. Tonight this one hit close to home:
    “Don’t ever assume the people you love know how you feel about them. TELL them. SHOW them. Love them out loud. Even if they do already know, it’s nice to be reminded.”

    We don’t know what tomorrow holds. It’s important to always be reminded of the present. Thank you for sharing with us!

    Like

  4. Shari Capraro

    You are amazing! I kno you must hear that so often next to how strong you are. I know this writing, blog, Journaling is a part of the healing and also a way to get through your worst days, but believe it or not this is going to give someone else the strength to go on. Someday you will share this with your beautiful son.
    You are strong, you are amazing. I know you have many to hold you up on your worst days.
    Continue to be Amazing Beautiful Maeghan xoxo

    Like

  5. Romina

    I have been following your story from the moment in came on the news, for some reason it truly touched me, I read your blogs and I see you are evolving and coping so well with such a messed up situation, you may never understand why this happened to you guys or maybe much later you will, keep strong, love strong, live strong❤️

    Like

  6. Claire Diaz

    Hi Maeghan…I have read your posts from the very beginning….and I have followed you from day 1…..a week and a half ago, I lost my husband, Joe of 6 years to a fatal stroke and heart attack, a complete shock, out of nowhere, no warnings, just taken from me…he was 46 years old…Im 36….It seems so unfair, he had two beautiful boys 11 and 13 from his previous marriage which I love immensely, and we were trying for our own…I have read your posts and although our situations are very different but somewhat similar, I feel like everything I read from your posts is everything Im feeling…Everyone tells me I am so strong…while inside I feel like my world is crashing down like a house of cards…I can’t even feel, anything but numb…I just want you to know you have been my faith to keep going to take each minute as it comes…Thank you xoxo

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  7. Maeghan, this little boy is a very lucky child. I know you are very special
    And I know your son will know his Dad and feel like he is growing up besides him
    Because of you. May God continue to bless you and thank you for sharing . We wanna see pictures of Mason whenever you feel you can share.

    Like

  8. Ani Ortiz

    Hay Maeghan, you take my breath away with your eloquence and maturity. You might not realize it, but you are helping, guiding and assisting many who are going through their own personal loss or pain. You inspire and reassure. You share your ups and your downs, your dreams for a future and your memories of a life well lived with your Ralf. Regardless of how short the time you shared might have been, it was lived with quality. You made so many memories. One might be in a relationship for many, many years and it could be empty and hollow. Your life with Ralf was priceless. You probably have more gifts and treasures from your love story than most. God bless you and Little Stud. Abundant blessings, Ani Ortiz

    Like

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