Along the Broken Road

Still Fighting 

Life can be really hard sometimes.

Unfair.

Cruel.

And there seems to be no rhyme or reason for any of it.

Sometimes I find myself wondering why some people are given such a heavy burden to carry. Why do some encounter roadblock after roadblock, obstacle after obstacle, when they are trying so desperately to pull themselves out of the depths of despair, while others seems to have their lives follow some perfect, cookie-cutter plan that they’ve crafted.

I don’t know.

When I have these thoughts I’m reminded of one of the last conversations I had with Ralf in the hospital. We’d just finished meeting with the neurosurgeon at University of Miami Hospital to discuss our plan of action. It was the first time that I think Ralf fully grasped the severity of what was happening. It was the moment he realized that his life as he knew it would be ending – and maybe really ending

After everyone left and it was just the two of us, I looked at him and said, “Don’t ask yourself why this is happening. If you ask why, you’ll just drive yourself crazy.” I realize now that I was really speaking to myself, because these questions were heavy on my own heart.

Why now? When we are awaiting the arrival of our first baby?

Why my husband, such a beautiful and genuinely good person?

What did we do to deserve this?

He looked at me shaking his head and responded, “No. I don’t ask myself why.”

I don’t think I fully appreciated the profundity of those words until much later. 
He didn’t wonder why. He didn’t feel sorry for himself. He didn’t believe that he was entitled to anything. He knew that maybe some things in this life just aren’t meant to be understood- that our human minds are simply incapable. 

With everything I’ve already been through, I wish I could say that I’ve met my “quota” of hardships, but it’s just not true. Life is an endless cycle of ups and downs. Hopefully, the hard times can serve as reminders of how important it is to cherish the good times. To be grateful for all that we hold dear, understanding that nothing should be taken for granted. 

Don’t ask why. 

Instead, just believe in your strength. Even if you can’t see it. Even if you have to dig into the deepest trenches of your soul. Find that last ounce of faith and hold on for dear life. Because that last drop of faith will carry you through until you reach the next moment filled with happiness and gratitude. 

Life can be really hard. But you can be equally strong. Even if that strength means you need to shed some tears. To get angry for a bit. To scream or yell your head off alone in your car.

Do what you need to do and then get back up and stay in the fight. 

Whatever comes my way, I know I can make it through, because I already have.

I promise that you can, too. 

15 comments

  1. Maria

    Faith, hope, and love: And the greatest of these is love. Your words are filled with faith, hope, and love. Especially love! Gracias and blessings to you and yours.

    Like

  2. Sacha L Vincent

    I needed this today more than you know. I have been following you since the beginning (we have a mutual friend Penelope Rodriguez Pierce). I have always been drawn in from your writings. 5 months ago I had the worst news of my life. I am in my 40’s and was diagnosed with non operable, non curable, stage 4 colon cancer that has spread to the lungs, lymphnodes and even my brain. I am riddled with it. I immediately started writing a blog to my family and friends (I am not nearly as good at it as you), and they look forward to my updates every month. Today I was starting to feel sorry for myself when I saw todays post and it brought me right back to where I need to be, the NOW. Dont look back in your past, you are not going that way! All your posts inspire me, but todays came at just the right time. Thank you.XXOO

    Like

  3. Jessica

    Funny how Your posts always come in at the exact time I need to read something to help me keep going. Thank you for writing.. and for sharing. You have no idea how much your words affect me and I’m sure many others, each and every day.

    Like

  4. Anonymous

    Sometimes you need to be reminded there is hope. Your faith will carry you even when you dont believe. Thank you for the reminder. I needed this today…

    Like

  5. NADINE ROGERS

    Such a timely reminder………over the past four months my baby girl (she’s 21 but will ALWAYS be my baby girl) has been in and out of the hospital; multiple transfusions; visited doctor after doctor. Just when we thought there was no end in sight, finally got a diagnosis. We’re pressing on! God Bless you and your precious baby boy.

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  6. Mary

    Thank you, Meghan. For reminding about hope. I find myself at times feeling defeated but then I continue through because deep inside even without my knowledge faith is pulling me through!… continue faithful and strong for little Mason.. thanks

    Like

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