Life can be really hard sometimes.
And there seems to be no rhyme or reason for any of it.
Sometimes I find myself wondering why some people are given such a heavy burden to carry. Why do some encounter roadblock after roadblock, obstacle after obstacle, when they are trying so desperately to pull themselves out of the depths of despair, while others seems to have their lives follow some perfect, cookie-cutter plan that they’ve crafted.
I don’t know.
When I have these thoughts I’m reminded of one of the last conversations I had with Ralf in the hospital. We’d just finished meeting with the neurosurgeon at University of Miami Hospital to discuss our plan of action. It was the first time that I think Ralf fully grasped the severity of what was happening. It was the moment he realized that his life as he knew it would be ending – and maybe really ending.
After everyone left and it was just the two of us, I looked at him and said, “Don’t ask yourself why this is happening. If you ask why, you’ll just drive yourself crazy.” I realize now that I was really speaking to myself, because these questions were heavy on my own heart.
Why now? When we are awaiting the arrival of our first baby?
Why my husband, such a beautiful and genuinely good person?
What did we do to deserve this?
He looked at me shaking his head and responded, “No. I don’t ask myself why.”
I don’t think I fully appreciated the profundity of those words until much later.
He didn’t wonder why. He didn’t feel sorry for himself. He didn’t believe that he was entitled to anything. He knew that maybe some things in this life just aren’t meant to be understood- that our human minds are simply incapable.
With everything I’ve already been through, I wish I could say that I’ve met my “quota” of hardships, but it’s just not true. Life is an endless cycle of ups and downs. Hopefully, the hard times can serve as reminders of how important it is to cherish the good times. To be grateful for all that we hold dear, understanding that nothing should be taken for granted.
Don’t ask why.
Instead, just believe in your strength. Even if you can’t see it. Even if you have to dig into the deepest trenches of your soul. Find that last ounce of faith and hold on for dear life. Because that last drop of faith will carry you through until you reach the next moment filled with happiness and gratitude.
Life can be really hard. But you can be equally strong. Even if that strength means you need to shed some tears. To get angry for a bit. To scream or yell your head off alone in your car.
Do what you need to do and then get back up and stay in the fight.
Whatever comes my way, I know I can make it through, because I already have.
I promise that you can, too.