I wrote this on New Year’s Eve but wasn’t quite ready to share it yet. We realized that TODAY everything is going perfectly and that should be celebrated without fear. My heart is full. Enjoy… Reflecting on the past ten years and oh what a decade it has been! In 2010 I graduated with my master’s and Ralf and I got engaged. I began my career as a speech-language pathologist. At the beginning of 2011, we bought our home and […]
We were both just 28 years young when you died. Do you remember how I used to tease you by telling you that you were in your prime and that it would all be downhill from here? Somewhere, in an article most likely lacking any kind of empirical research or actual quantifiable data, one of us had read that men “peak” at 28, while women don’t until their mid thirties or so. As per our usual banter, I’d remind you […]
You were never supposed to happen to me. This is a love that was not part of my plan. But then life happened the way it did. It shattered. Into a million jagged pieces on the floor. Fragments of broken dreams that could never fit back together the way they once did. And they don’t. But that’s the point. Somehow you helped me revive the remnants of my heart, by intertwining them with yours. You gave me the courage to […]
“I want a brother or sister.” Words spoken so innocently, so genuinely. Words that stabbed my heart in a way that he, of course, could not understand. We were in Buffalo visiting Vinnie’s family. It was also my parents’ first trip to his hometown. We were all together in the van, on our way to drop my parents off at their hotel for the evening. The car went silent. There was an unspoken, collective feeling of sorrow. “Oh Baby Boy, […]
Mason is finally asleep and I am very uncomfortably lying next to him in his Lightning McQueen bed. What a challenge bedtime was tonight! He is currently obsessed with legos and was building a firetruck with Vinnie as I told him it was time to go potty and then night-night. He threw a huge tantrum because there was one tiny little piece missing and he didn’t want to leave the truck unfinished. We tried reasoning with him and explaining it […]
Written by a firefighter widow who lost her young husband to cancer, this article addresses the link between firefighting and cancer, as well as possible toxicity exposure affecting their loves ones.
Categories: Cancer, Education, Grief, Health • Tags: Accountability, Cancer Sucks, City of Miami Fire Rescue, Education, Fire Families Against Cancer, Firefighter Cancer Initiative, Firefighter Widow, Firefighters and Cancer, Support Florida Firefighters, Together We Will
As many of you know, the anniversary of Ralf’s passing is approaching. A few weeks ago, his father spoke at a firefighter symposium in Miami. When he told me about it, I expressed wanting to contribute somehow, but wasn’t sure what I could do. Then, the idea for this simple video came to me. I share this not to make anyone sad, but rather to hopefully drive home a message that needs to be heard. If it inspires one member […]
Three years ago tonight, Ralf and I shared our last meal in our home together. Spaghetti and meatballs from one of our favorite local Italian joints – Ferrari’s. I remember it well. I asked if he would be okay with this dish yet again – because it was a frequent craving throughout my pregnancy – and he agreed. We had it delivered and then we sat next to each other at our kitchen counter, like we so often did. Now […]
My husband is gone. Not gone like he stepped out to pick up some milk at the grocery store. Not gone like working the night shift. Not gone like on a fishing trip with his buddies. Not even gone like staying elsewhere for a while as we try to figure out whether our relationship is still worth fighting for. Gone like…gone…. To read full article, click here.