A few weeks ago, my mom sent me a text saying that she’d been cleaning out her filing cabinets and came across some really nice pictures of Ralf and me. She asked if I would like to see. Then, she took pictures of the pictures with her phone and sent them my way. There we were. Just 18 years old, freshly graduated from high school, filled with hope and anticipation for the future that we already knew we wanted to […]
Sometimes it seriously feels like my child hates me, and I know I am not the only mom to ever feel this way. I love that kid more than I could ever adequately express in words, and every single thing that I do, I do with the intention of providing the best possible childhood for him… To read full post, click here.
Ralf died just two days before our scheduled maternity photo shoot. It ended up being the day of his funeral instead of the day we were going to have our first family portraits taken. Those that know me well can tell you how much I love pictures. I always used to make elaborate collages of my favorite snapshots as a teenager, and still have more picture frames around my house than the average person. I think it’s amazing how a […]
You’d think that the worst part of becoming a widow is, well, the obvious: losing your husband. If and when you actually become one, though, you are forced to learn that the physical loss of the man you exchanged vows with is just the tip of the iceberg. All the really hard crap lies underneath the surface. I wish I could tell you that it can only get better from here, but I want you to hear the truth. I […]
I carried him in my womb for 9 months. Luckily it was a pretty “easy” and “uneventful” pregnancy. Inside my womb where he was protected and untouchable, at least. Outside, my world was crumbling during those last two months. His little beating heart was the only thing that kept me going… To read full post, click here.
I posted this picture on Instagram last night. It was taken by a friend on the night we celebrated turning 21 (our birthdays are just five days apart). The picture gained a lot of likes and comments, one of them being “true happiness” – and it made me realize that there was more to this picture that I wanted to share. First of all, if we look incredibly happy – one too many vodka cranberries may have had something to […]
We never met while you were here on this Earth, but I feel very connected to you. You were the love of the man who now holds my heart. Like him, I have suffered the loss of a great love of my life. I completely understand how he yearned for you, cried for you after you left – and how a part of him always will. I understand how even now he can be having a completely “normal” day and […]
It finally happened. I’d read about it in some widow groups that I’m a member of, but had never personally experienced it myself. I’ve even had the audacity to think to myself, “Wow, these women know some really insensitive people!” And now, I stand corrected… To read full post, click here.
A couple of months ago, while sitting in the waiting room at my dentist’s office, Good Morning America was on the television. Kyra Sedgewick and Kevin Bacon were the featured guests, and they were talking about their experiences raising their children. Kyra said something that I thought was pretty powerful. She stated, “They’re born kind of perfect, you just have to try not to mess them up too much.” Wow. Isn’t that the truth? But then again – it seems […]